I swear…

Yes.

I swear.

In school (while in the earlier classes), when a guy swears, he is considered uber cool by the other guys in the class – this is either because the others lack the guts to swear or they have been hushed by someone that these are ‘bad words’. All the while, the gals look upon him with disgust.

By the time the person is in high school, he would have learnt all the choiciest of ‘bad words’. And the other guy-classmates don’t really bother about it as either they are also into it full time or they have simply gotten used to it. The girls are still wondering why these guys have to use some of the so called ‘bad words’ in every sentence of theirs. Ofcourse, some of the girls also secretly end up admiring some of these guys as swearing is universally accepted to be a mark of aggression.

Coming to the college days, just about any guy you see around you is swearing left, right and centre. New abbreviations are formed and used as if it’s a day-to-day habit. All the possible meanings are learnt. Every group has some or the other guy who is swearing. And even a few girls manage to start by that time…other girls who don’t are still looking around in disgust.

(by the way, whats this with girls always looking around in disgust?)

Cut straight to B-school. Just about everyone around you is swearing you. And if you never used to, then, in all probability, you would also have started doing the same. Gals in particular start on it with a new vigour. Guys are probably just plain used to it. (anyone notice how girls stress the words and utter them while guys always utter them casually?) In fact, swearing now becomes part of the lingo and it is to be used very regularly. Ofcourse, the more creative ones (who are all probably meant for advertising) start inventing a few new words as well; but all this while, the oldies never lose their flavour.

In the corporate world, (especially the Advertising industry and the Finance industry), it becomes a normal part of speech. No sentence is complete without a swear-word. No emotion can be completely explained without a swear-word. The ubiquitous 4 lettered swear-word suddenly becomes the perfect describer for everything. You can explain anything and almost everything by inserting the word into the sentence. People who are not used to it (i.e. those people who skipped the earlier stages of life) initially take a lot of offense at the way they are being spoken to; but then get used to it pretty soon.

After marriage, the guys (whose wives take their case for using such words) simply stop using these in front of them wives. (Wives of such guys: if u r reading this, then remember that your husbands have not yet stopped swearing and you may never be able to make them stop!). For those, whose wives don’t take any offense or are simply used to it, life goes on as usual. For the women who also swear, well, they also probably just continue.

Once the first child is born, and when the child is still below 4 – 5 years of age, all this activity comes to a standstill. After so many years of mastering, the guy / gal just kinda leave it there. And with a good reason too – the child’s brain is like a sponge, it absorbs anything that it hears or sees. After all, who would like children who, while trying to walk, fall and utter a nice big swear word?? (go on, imagine it…its shockingly funny I say!)

I really don’t know what happens after this stage because I have been able to observe only upto this level.

A direct shortcut from all the above, ofcourse, is to start learning to drive as soon as possible. No better way to start learning to curse.

Another piece of observation: people manage to maintain a twin vocabulary - one for inside the house and with the family members (which would be the nicer version) and one for outside the house and for the rest of the world (which would obviously be the spicier version)

As for me, I had tried to skip the initial few stages but when I landed in B – school, I kind of realised that I was missing out on life in a small way; hence I also jumped on the bandwagon, and without a ticket mind you.

It so happens that the meanings of such words which we have learnt and memorized from our childhood is lost somewhere in between. In fact, the art of swearing becomes so harmless after a few years that one just incorporates it into his lingo and shoots away to glory. Its only those who don’t swear, who try and attach meanings to all these. The others go about in a carefree manner and the recipient, in most of the cases, is also completely unfazed by the ‘galli’ he has just been given, like every other day.

Koschan of the day: Do you swear, if Yes, would you stop and why? If no, why not?

PS: If anyone is even remotely interested in learning the finer art of insulting, then please visit this site.

The colourful past re-surfaces…

This was a special day for me… special for reasons unknown to mankind and woman-not-so-kind…special because…well, just because.

Actually, jokes apart, an incident happened with me when I was a young boy in school… (no no, no aliens kidnapped me or anything of that sort)

Let me spin the kachua chaap coil and take everyone into my flashback…

I was probably in Standard IX or so (my otherwise super-memory fails me on this one) and we used to play holi with a lot of gusto and enthu. Since we were in Delhi, and this festival was one of the most enjoyed ones, it used to be all the more colourful. As usual, we, a small group of 6 – 7 kids, after wasting a lot of colour and water on ourselves, decided that we should torment the remaining people also. So, we started off, after gathering our colours and wits.

Torment we did and that too a lot of people (including some sweet little kid-ladies as well) and while we were trooping back to our respective houses, a group of big bad boys (whom we had probably defeated earlier in a cricket or football match) intercepted our trail. We were just about exchanging pleasantries when we noticed that their hands were behind their backs…and soon, we realised what a killer combination of grease, carbon black, authentic wall paint and what-not could do to your face!!

Yup…after getting our faced painted by the group of big bad boys, we finally thought lets get back home…and when we saw each other, we could not help but laugh – coz we were all looking like we had just stepped out of a place from Africa!

Anywez, that thought kept aside, and after innumerable attempts to wash off our faces and the jolly spirit of Holi inside us, we started back towards our homes…and what do we see when we reach our homes (we used to stay next door to each other) – our mothers are standing outside and watching this bunch of kids loafing around and coming towards them.

For sometime, the mothers could not recognise as all our faces were black, we all were of similar height and the clothes were all coloured in all the possible hues.

I don’t really know what happened with the guys…but all I can remember is that my mother recognised me and my brother only because of our flashing smiles and, took us inside and locked the doors. What happened inside is an absolute no-brainer. The best part was when my dad came out asking my mom to ‘stop the nonsense’ and also saying that ‘kids will obviously get dirty if they play Holi’ but the moment he set his eyes on us, he stopped his sentence mid-way and took out a cane and thrashed the hell out of me. (My brother, the lucky bum, got away because he was apparently too young)

That day, the hero of this story (that is…ahem….moi) decided a la ‘Bheeshm Pitaamah of Mahabharata fame’ and his prateegya that I will never play Holi. I think I also looked up towards the sky to see if any flowers fall from there (just like it happened to Bheeshm Pitaaamah in the TV serial Mahabharata) but ofcourse, all I could see was a colourful halo which was the after effect of the cane and not-so-able story.

And thus, I had decided that I will never go out and play Holi with anyone come what may. I was able to maintain this tradition year after year because something inside me had got ticked off. Imagine how much will power I had to enforce to not play holi in college (those who know about holi in college would have understood and those who didn’t, its no point trying to explain)

Anyways, that chapter (and my prateegya) drew to a close this year as I boldly stepped out into the terrace of our building and got soaked in the colours and the water and the bright morning sun…knowing that my father sitting in Delhi, inspite of still having that cane, might not be able to reach me after all…

And the best part is, my dad, with his excellent memory, who can remember his students even 15 years after they have passed out of his school, refuses to believe that something like this ever happened!!!

PS: For a historical perspective on Holi as well as how it is celebrated by different cultures / states, check out this site. (Courtesy: Jammy)

Ek Bhajiya Paav aur ek Cutting Chai

A few days back, I was in Bombay (and that was the reason I have not been posting since I was preparing to get my business reviewed by the Lords sitting in my head office!).

It was an official trip by any standards – considering the fact that we were going to get bambooed by our superiors and moreover, they had packaged an entire week’s program and more into a tight 3 days!! But I was happier as I have always been at the prospect of visiting my favourite city. I have been in this city for more than 5 odd years but still could not get enough of the place. And, by a quirk or fate, had to leave the place which I started identifying as my home. And once I left this place, I started missing it all the more…in fact there were times when I would just yearn to travel in a local train in the peak of traffic (u would probably say I was crazy…but still…)

Coming back…eventhough I was in Bombay, I was stuck in this hotel all day long waiting for small tea breaks and delayed lunch breaks to get out. But I was just not getting the chance to do that.

And finally, I saw a small keyhole of a chance wherein I left all the others and pushed off on my own.

A few observations that I had to make:

• The place is as alive as I left it. Nothing seems to have changed in this city. Other cities are affected by something or the other but not Bombay.
• The crowd there just rocks! Reminds me of the days when I used to look hither and tither…
• The autos are still well maintained (cant help it…I have stayed in Chennai and Bangalore and cant help comparing!)
• The airport is still full to the brim (I don’t understand why they don’t increase the capacity or something like that)
• The food on the streets (vada-pav and bhajiya-pav) is as good as it ever was!

In fact, this trip made me realise that I wanted to come back to this city and live and make my life here only…

… travel in trains filled to the brim with people.
… have a car but start it only during weekends to ensure the battery does not die a natural death.
… leave for office early in the morning and come back late at night!
… pay a rent that could be someone’s entire month’s salary and still stay far far away
… Have a lot of friends around with whom I can meet probably once a week (and that too if I am really lucky).

Just a second….this is getting confusing…

Did I really say I miss Bombay???

…Where the streets are paved with gold…

For starters…
I have always had a love-hate relationship with the yellow metal!! It tries to love me…I hate it!!

I never ever liked the shine of this metal…coming from a south indian family that I was, it was all the more surprising! Generally, its believed that even guys in south india go crazy over the shine of gold. But, not me…never…

My mom always used to think of some or the other reason to make me wear something with gold in it – the most weird (but might be true as well) reason ever was that gold should never lie idle in the house as it causes bad luck!! Guess, she was just more of a marketing-racketeer than I !!

And so it continued…whenever the family jeweller would be at home, I would be tormented so much that I had to run away from the place. My brother on the other hand, when he was much younger, used to love gold!! Strange, but true…very true…he used to like wearing my mother’s jewels…I got a kick out of the thought that a cross-dresser has finally come into this family…but soon I realised that it was just a passing phase and he was normal like all others.

Time started flying past and I left the frontiers of my home to study abroad and go and make a name for myself in the big bad world. Whenever I used to go back home, one thing was always constant (besides all my favourite food items being dished out every day) and this was my mother trying to con me into wearing a new chain she had bought or to buy a new bracelet or some crap like that!

The story of my hate relationship with the gold metal continued so much so that relatives would come and advise me on why I should wear it. One relative even preposterously told me that I should take it as of now and then if I did not like it, I could always gift it to her!

Anywez, not falling for it…I realised that things were indeed going too far away when even the family jeweller used to come to me and try to con(vince) me into buying and wearing that stuff.

Finally, my mom gave up but she had to say only one thing – “just wait and see, you will get a wife who will be your exact opposite in this matter and will love gold so much so as to compensate for your hate!!”

And somewhere, some God or Yaksh must have said ‘Thathaasthu!’ and Lo and Behold! It happened!

All things said and done, my wife loves it so much that I can hardly escape from its clutches. The wife has a different line to convince me – “ghee khichdi mein hi to gir raha hai” (translated: the ghee is falling into the khichdi only!) Nice try lady…but how-much-so-ever I love that khichdi, I aint buying the logic!!

And now, I have kind of become a regular at the shop I least expected to frequent all my life – The Jewellary shop!

So much so for the God having said ‘Thathaasthu’ at the most un-opportune moment!!

Foot note:

My dear friend (lets call him Vats) who resides in Chennai who is soon-to-be-married remarked: “I am really lucky to have a wife who hates gold!!”
I said: “Do they still make them like that?”
And then I also remarked: “Good for you buddy.”
My wife patiently said: “wait till ur fiance comes and I will ask her.”

So his fiance comes and my friend proudly tells her: “why don’t u tell them how much you hate gold!”

And her reply is an all-time classic:

“Vats, I hate gold ….but did I tell you that I love Diamonds!!!”

Yet to see how he likes his Khichdi!!!

Time to Remember the Time...

It all started on the same day exactly a year ago!

The day when I had spent the entire of previous night thinking about her and was in two minds about the entire issue – whether I like her or not! I was also not sure how she will react to this thought of mine…we had, after all, remained friends for almost more than a year and a half before that.

I still remember my sister asking me the same day about something going on in my mind…and I had told her that there was this girl……….

Ever since the time she had joined my office in Bombay in the HR team (I was in Chennai at that time), I used to call her again and again, bugging her with some issue or the other. The truth was that I liked speaking to her….this inspite of the fact that I had never seen her; but there was some kinda say-so inside me which made me call her again and again. In those days, I would always volunteer to help out all my office colleagues with their quries to the HR department (on the pretext that they did not know hindi) and eventually, would end up calling her.

The days went on and we came much closer…we had exchanged our cell numbers and now were in touch even outside the office. She always used to call me regularly and speak to me. I would later come to know that she liked to speak to me and would always radiate a grin after the conversation. In fact, there were also a few days when I used to avoid her completely but, nopes, this lady never gave up. We went through our own individual set of problems and would help each other solve it – but it used to be more like I assisting her out of her issues.

We made sure to keep this entire ‘friendship’ out of reach of our other colleagues because I knew what people normally make out of such relations and I just did not want anyone to talk badly about the two of us. Nopes, this was not the time.

Again, as the weeks went past, this bond, after going through its ups and downs became pretty solid. And around the last week of February of 2004, we met again in Bombay when I was called there for a conference. It was a very joyous re-union for the two of us and we spent the major part of the day hanging out together, going for lunch etc etc. Then we all left for our conference destination which was out of Bombay.

The conference kinda created a stronger bond between us and we never left each other’s company. When the time came to part ways, it was really very difficult to do so. But, we already knew that there was something more than mere friendship between the two of us. I tried to avoid her eye while she spent the entire time thinking about me. The journey back home also went off the same way. I offered to drop her off from the station to her place and then go my own way and she agreed. The cab journey was one of the most silent yet most memorable journeys I had undertaken ever. We hardly spoke but knew that there was no need of words between us now. It was loud and clear but yet, we were not ready to agree to the truth. Yes, this was exactly a year back.

If I could have fast forwarded to a few days later, I could have seen that we had confessed our feelings towards each other and a few months down the line, we would also go through our own set of struggles and fights with our respective parents.

Our parents just refused to budge from their stance and they stuck to theirs only. We kept on trying to explain to them and persuade them to see our viewpoint but the answer was a simple and loud NO!!

This kept on going on and on and on……and a few weeks later, my parents called and told me that they had fixed my wedding date and the preparations were underway. All I had to do was to reach the place on the designated date.

I was really very shocked to hear that but then my dad, the simple and unassuming man that he is, did not really give me much of an option. He told me very plainly that “we cant always have all the things our own way”. This was also coinciding with the date when I was supposed to leave on a holiday abroad which my company had gifted. So, I knew for sure that my dad was real serious when he had made that announcement.

So, seeing no other option, what could I have done….I just took a rushed leave from my office, cancelled my tour, booked my tickets to Delhi and went home to meet my parents and relatives, who were so very very busy in the preparations that did not really bother about me. Nopes, the marriage was more important than the to-be-married.

A few days later, a free lukha bachelor boy got transformed into a not-so-free, not-so-lukha married man.

Well, things are cool now and the married man is pretty much happy with his new wife.

But heyy…..I seem to have forgotten something…..something very very crucial…..well, what could it be?

Ohh yes…the girl whom I married!!!

Well…...yes, it was the very same girl I liked………as the parents had turned around in the last minute, had agreed to it and had arranged everything perfectly in the very last minute!!!

I call mine a Love Marriage Excellently Arranged!!

:-)

Emotional Infidelity – Another new scientific concept or just plain raag ?

Sunday Morning. I was sitting with the newspaper, trying to pore thru it and catch as much reading as I can. In the magazines, which is always the ones that I pick up first, I noticed this article which had a new term – Emotional Infidelity. I was sure this was a term which was never heard of before and I was wondering what they meant by this…and I dived headlong into the article.

Infidelity, as everyone knows, is defined with words like unfaithfullness, disloyalty, betrayal etc. Emotional Infidelity, deriving from the above, would then mean to betray someone emotionally or be unfaithful to someone emotionally; this especially applies to you if you are married to that ‘someone’.

The example taken up in that article was when you consult someone else to get your work problems solved but not your partner; or something like when you talk to someone for hours together but not your partner, then your are being emotionally unfaithful. An important thing: here, there is no underlying emotion of hatred but the fact that there are certain times when you just end up doing such things. It is not even complete infidelity (if there’s any such thing!), its just supposed to be a broken up part of it. It is also termed so if you feel that your wife is not competent enough to help you solve your work problems – then, you are being emotionally unfaithful. If you are very friendly with someone else and chat with them for hours without thinking about your partner, then you are being emotionally unfaithful yet again.

Well, the underlying note is that you are being unfaithful to your partner in some way or the other. I mean, if you don’t even share your worries with your partner, then, agreed, that’s something to worry about and oen can go ahead and call it with such terms to an extent; but then, if your partner happens to have lesser competence in that particular field (which has absolutely nothing to do personally against your partner), then would you still go ahead and call it as being unfaithful?

Somehow, nowadays, I feel certain things are just blown out of proportions. Take the example of Valentine’s day. That seems to be the best example, probably even Father’s day or Mother’s day or even maybe Eat-as-much-pizza-as-you-want day (who knows, this might also exist!). I feel many of these events have been just hyped up by some or the other marketing agency / gift shops like Archies etc. (except for the last one, where giving a card to someone might be stupid and ordering a pizza might be more like it!)

I still remember when we were in school / college, V-day was a much awaited event. People would throng to the nearest Archies gift shops and buy cards and little gifts for the people they ‘liked’. The thing is, kids kinda got it into their minds that V-day is the best day to propose to someone and even the ‘someone’ on the other side would be waiting for V-day so that they could be proposed to. Guys used to spend lots of money (most of it borrowed) just to please girls; and girls in turn used to either get pleased or otherwise. This was done in a relatively small way until recently, when I saw a particular city almost painted red and pink; balloons all over the place, eateries serving food in heart-shaped patterns (even pizza!!!); all joints accomodating twice as much as they could otherwise and all gift shops minting money and laughing all the way to the bank.

What they have been successful at is not a marketing campaign but the fact that they have introduced a mechanisation into the business of loving and liking. Now, its expected that people will love on V-day.

I am not at all against giving gifts (eventhough the wife does not really concur with that opinion) but I definitely don’t feel great about the way the entire thing has evolved….especially the part where one is ‘expected’ to do so. That has taken away the fun out of it.

Today, it is so hyped up that people have started conducting studies on whether the youth prefers it and more importantly, such studies have started showing that the youth (or for that matter, anyone else) does not like it at all.

Coming back to the argument on emotional infidelity, what really escapes my understanding is: what’s a person supposed to do if his computer crashes and his wife is a finance professional?

Emotional or not, infidelity is something that’s a combination of many many awful things; there is no way that it can be broken into various parts and analysed and then given different nomenclatures.

If such things continue, then soon, we might see a scenario, like it happens in Eric Segal’s Doctors, wherein people start diagnosing themselves with all kinds of diseases or syndromes just because they are aware of the symptoms and observe a few symptoms relating to the same on themselves!!

Bribery – a new way to promote business in the modern world?

I have been thinking about this topic since quite some time. It all started when I was down to one of the prominent B – Schools in the south and was interviewing this candidate. To assess a candidate’s thinking cap, I normally ask questions on topics that are very touchy in nature. And so I did – “Will you bribe anyone to get business?” Pat came the reply – “NO, I WONT…ITS AGAINST MY ETHICS”. “Alright, well said, clap clap clap” is how anyone else might have reacted but for me…I went straight after him and gave a few examples and he was dumbfounded…finally gave up and just agreed with me. The point that I am trying to make is not that I fight dirty…but rather that its just that people are really not clear about this topic!

First, presenting the definition of Bribery:

Bribe:
verb: dishonestly persuade (someone) to act in one’s favour by paying them or giving other inducement.
noun: an inducement offered in an attempt to bribe.

Now lets move onto a few points, a juxtaposition of harmless and day to day realities of life that all of us would definitely cross without as much as blinking…

- A credit card company offers back its customers some part of what they spend, while using the credit card.
- A shop has an advertisement that you will get one item free if you buy 2 other items
- A food delivery store offers a discount on anything purchased if you present them with the requisite coupon
- A customer haggling at the counter for a better price with the shopkeeper on something he wants to buy

The above are certain things that we see on a day to day basis, even use very very regularly. Now, lets examine and see how different these are from, lets say, an influential person in a company who asks for some money to do investments in certain ways / certain avenues or for that matter from a person who asks for some ‘baksheesh’ to get your work done in any government office. Well, as a good friend of mine would say, the difference is in the intent – the first few examples offer the customer such a chance (except for the last one), so they are termed as ‘offers’ while the latter examples involve people willingly ask for the same, thus being termed as ‘kickbacks’. But then, lets keep everything else aside and think logically, aint all of these different shades of the same colour?

The basic act remains the same – which is that the ‘offer’ or the ‘kickback’ successfully changes the customer’s preference and influences the person to go through that ‘offerer’ (if I can term it as that) and seal the trade. The influence is the same, the person doing the trade does it thru the offerer and both get benefitted. Simple? Seems like it for sure.

Re-looking at the definition given aboev, don’t they all fall into the same category?

The entire process remaining the same, then how do we really demarcate between these two seemingly different concepts?

Then, why the hell is there a hullaboo over the latter and why is there a widespread hesitation to accept the basic concept as it is?

We as a society have grown up to believe that bribing is equivalent to dishonesty and that no one should partake in such a thing. Our parents have taught us this concept while also teaching us how to haggle at the vegetable market for a better price, or better still, the fine art of combining deals and getting the best price. But what we have never been taught or are yet to realise is that this is something that has straightaway attacked the nervous system of trade and has changed the way business has ever been done.

Today, the word ‘offer’ is synonymous with more business, creativity, aggressiveness, and basically, more customers. And the word ‘bribery’ is synonymous with dishonesty, uncouth, rogue and fraudulent practices.

Pretty convenient, aint it?

PS: as for the guy who had answered thus in my interview, he was not finally selected.

Disclaimer: The author also belongs to the junta which thinks that bribing is bad and does his level best to refrain from doing the same. Also, the author takes full advantage of all offers and negotiates like hell!!!

Ever Wondered Why?

Ever wondered why…

… the phone starts ringing just when you step into the loo and stops ringing just when you try to make a dash for it after finishing inside

… the mobile starts ringing just when you nod off to sleep

… in a train, your compartment seems to have the worse crowd while the nearby ones are full of greenery

… your professor notices you only when you are nodding off to sleep

… there’s an auto strike going on in the city one the only day you decide to hang up the bike keys and take a ric to office

… you decide to finally visit the bookshop to get the book that you have been wanting to read, and its out of stock for another month

… the current goes off (or the wife gives you some work) only minutes before the movie, that you have been waiting for since weeks, is going to start

… your boss seems to notice you only when you are browsing through websites

… it seems only minutes before you went off to sleep, eventhough you clocked in more than 5 hours of sleep

… the girl you have been eyeing since quite some time is already seeing someone else

… there are no trailers being projected the only day you arrive early to the movies, hoping to catch some

… the stock prices go up only after you have sold your lot and come down only after you have bought

… you always feel that you could have ordered something else at a restaurant only after your order comes in

… you feel more sleepy just after you have taken a resolution to frequent the gym

… you almost ram your vehicle somewhere just after someone tells you what an excellent driver you are

… you get a promotion just when you start contemplating a change

… the printer fails / printer cartridge gets over just before you have to take urgent printouts for an important presentation

… it rains just when you decide to ignore your mother’s advice to carry an umbrella

… only all the good books from the library or the CDs from the movie rental shop have been rented out the day you decide to get something for yourself

well, all of these have happened to me and I am sure they would have with almost everyone else as well…

…ever wondered why???

Travails of a Traveller – A Much Needed Break!!

A much needed break was what it was supposed to be. Had wanted to go and just forget about my work…just go and have fun somewhere…and I picked Chennai outa all the places to do just that. Just wanted to go and visit all those places where I had roamed around in my ‘lukha’ days and just wanted to show those places to the wife. Initially, inspite of starting with a lotta scepticism, I thought lets just go and see the old friends, one in particular – Srivats – especially since the man is scheduled to get married after a long drawn battle with him and his folks and his girl’s folks (believe me, it was really tough to get thru this kinda triangle!!)

This trip had its own downs even before we started……but after getting a couple of warnings from the wife (something like “if the trip is cancelled blah blah blah…”), we finally decided to take it ahead….one of the main things that was exciting about this was that I would be travelling by road to that place….yes, I have become a kinda Road-Roller now (if you know wot I mean) ;-)

And ….up at the unearthly time of 0430 hours and started the car at around 0530 hours….. the two of us hit the road…And so it began!

I have to say one thing….it was a pleasure going by road to that place…the roads are excellent for a major part of the journey…we took the route from Bangalore-Kolar-Chittoor-Ranipet-Chennai. And moreover, the pleasure of not seeing any traffic on road for quite sometime in the morning hours….ohhhh man…cant describe the feeling. In fact there’s one stretch of road starting from Ranipet till Kancheepuram where the road has been built really well and one can just clip 120+ km/hr and not bother about anything else in the car except for the gas pedal…yes, it was a heavenly time bidding goodbye to working the brake and clutch! This road is supposed to have a toll booth; but, god bless the government, its yet being constructed! And you just keep on seeing the long road winding in front of you with the ocassional vehicle passing you (you know, life is more fair especially to those who have a superior vehicle!!)

And before we knew it, after a brief stop and after getting conned by a coupla policemen to give them some ‘baksheesh’, we were again hitting the road and nearing chennai faster than never before!

But, the fun just comes to a grinding halt the moment u hit the city…the traffic, as usual, is really pathetic and the people there, especially the cycle riders, have absolutely no regard for which side of the road they are on. Or, for that matter, the concept of relative speeds!!

A few very very memorable sights:

• A guy with a gas cylinder on a moped cruising at a top speed of 20 km/hr on the highway on the extreme right side of the road.
  
• A fellow riding a cycle-gaadi cutting the other vehicles perpendicularly on a really busy road.
  
• A couple of guys on a bike so busy talking to themselves that they never realised when the traffic in front stopped.
  
• A cop catching me at a really busy intersection and asking for a bribe (oh, the traffic behind can go to hell)
  
• Two guys riding two cycles talking to each other and paddling along, all the while occupying almost 75% of the road between themselves.

This is not fiction; but bare facts from my trip (I kid you not). I have stayed in Chennai to know enough about them folks but still, I was going there in my own car first time and my eyes were all the more open this time.

Ballzei’s pearl’s of wisdom: Driving in this part of the country is fraught with its own dangers and I believe it’s the best training ground any person can ever get to master the nuances of driving, especially to get used to autorickshaws and their ideosyncracies!!

Anyways, now that’s that. It’s a part of chennai that does not seem to be on any road to change.

One of the main things I like about the place is the fact that there is really a lot of variety to life (this I say after getting married, and as I realise the better things of life; much before I met the lady of my life, I used to simply wonder where the babes are in chennai!!!) One can really look forward to having a good quality of life every day. Yes, I said EVERYDAY. Unlike other places (I had the benefit of having lived in Delhi, Bombay and now Bangalore), Chennai has a lot of things to do, see and experience. The various beaches (I used to spend a lot of my free time in those beaches), the rustic and old food joints, the excellent movie halls (Chennai had few of the best movie halls much much before the mango mass - aam junta - discovered the joys of PVR and IMAX), cultural haunts, other mod hanging out joints, cafes (both ancient as well as contemporary), an excellent mixture of the performing arts, few of the best bookshops, good shopping malls et al. I have seen a similar variety in only one another place – Bombay – where, sadly, the person has not time to enjoy anything!!

Food is another delight in Chennai. You get all types of cuisines in there (and I am not talking about the indian version of, lets say, Malay or Jap food!). A person situated in Chennai and who likes to eat out is someone definitely to be envied!! There is absolutely no point in naming the type of cuisines because, to many of them, I was introduced in Chennai only. But the best food in any city, I firmly believe, is the one that you get off the roadside joints. Like all other places (barring Bangalore which either lacks it or I am yet to discover), Chennai is also no less. Ofcourse, the roadside food is restricted to south-indian ONLY (well, duh!!) but then, it is something that’s worth going after. A few places that come to the mind are Ratna’s Café in Royapettai, the sandwich shop outside Alsa Mall, the snack shops strewn across the city and my favourite of them all – one small non-descript shop selling only breakfast and catering to mainly auto and bus drivers near the Mylapore Tank (which is not a tank but a kinda pond near a temple, and for reasons unknown to mankind, ponds are called tanks in Chennai! God knows what they would call lakes – submarines???) This shop runs out of food by the time the clock strikes 8.00 – 8.30 am and it sells the best non-home-food (if I can call it that) I have ever had! No points for guessing that I make sure my stomach can accommodate minimum double of what I usually demands whenever I go there!! :-D (my sincerest gratitude to my dear friend & colleague Mr. Burns for showing me that place - God bless you and may you also get married soon)

Seems like the city is a killer combination eh? Well, almost.....except for the fact that chennai lacks on certain things - what I prefer to call as WWW (Weather, Water and Women).

Weather is one of the worst one can ever encounter…consists generally of three seasons – Hot, Hot and Hottest (I deliberately dint sound the second one as ‘hotter’ else I will be mistaken as a proponent of SS Music’s late night programme). As I would put it, a person would definitely survive longer if he / she sees lesser summers here!

Water…well, its sad that a city at the edge of a huge water body (albeit a salty water body) is facing the worst crisis ever. In summer, one cannot miss the water tankers zooming around and minting money or the ubiquitous colourful plastic pots that are there in front of a majority of households. Rain harvesting has really taken off extremely well in Chennai…but heyy, how about tinkering with the clouds to make them rain in the first place!?!

Women…well well well…what can be said about this? Its probably just that Chennai is at a - how shall I term it – Relative Disadvantage when it comes to this issue vis-à-vis the other major metros. I have a lot of bachelor colleagues who keep on telling me the same and talk about greener pastures with hazy eyes as if it’s the most sought after thing. I, after having lived there, would agree with it more or less….but for the fact that, now, I have nothing to do with it at all and I don’t notice the lack or abundance of any women anywhere, whether Chennai or outside! (this is especially for my wife, if she is reading this!!) :-D >:-)

Well, this trip to chennai was more or less a trip down memory lane…something that I had wanted to do since a very long time and I ended up doing without any planning at all. All good and bad things kept aside, the fact remains that I have spent around 2 – 3 years there and I do miss the place many times.

It remains a place which has stood the glare of time, has managed to retain its own identity and has created a name for itself inspite of having a lot of people from outside; a place which has very deep roots and a place which really teaches one the meaning of family, how to enjoy life together with one’s family and how to keep oneself occupied with cultural line ups; a place where the traditional and modern aspectsx of life still gel pretty well; a place which still retains the middle-class label yet where prosperity does not mean show-off and simplicity is given utmost importance…

...a place which some people want to quit as soon as possible...

...a place which many people long to go back to...

…and a place which most people swear never to leave!!!